It's Me, Esme

Hi everyone!

I say to...no one in particular, because I don't think a single other person has ever read a single post of mine, and that's half my fault, and I am more than okay with that.

Ahem!

I've said on this page many a times how I over time became okay with the face in the mirror, and while the gender I was assigned at birth did not match the gender I felt inside, I accepted things I could not change. I know it CAN be changed, but I felt that any results applied to me would still be disappointing. Whee, low self esteem is fun, kids!

And lately...

Okay.

I am still okay with the person in the mirror. He's still a cool guy, and I love being me, on some levels.

But...I've been seeing more and more, people going through amazing changes, at various points in their life, that have given that female part of myself start to reawaken more. An issue I thought was a settle question has come up out of the depths of my mind, and the question no longer feels as settled now.

I don't know what this means, I don't know what I'll do, but also, do not worry for me. Because I know such questions can be difficult, and while these old feelings might trouble some people, for me I feel good about it. It is good to take a moment every now and then and do some self reflection.

Maybe, just maybe, I might do something I never thought I would do. Or not. But I feel more confident about things if I did, and I see more roads open to me than before. And that's always a good thing.

Kaylee
Feeling more herself than she has in a long time
Maybe later I'll get into more details on the whys of all this.

Hello interwebs!

It's been awhile since your lovely lady of laziness has had something to say. I'm still pondering what balance I want to strike here, what other things to talk about...I mean, there's only so many hours in a day you can talk TG.

I didn't want to post anything on April Fools', since that could go horribly wrong, and then just never got around to anything of import or interest.

But there is a two part topic I can hit up for now, writing. Let me start off with other people writing, and get back to me later.

One of the things that really got me into TG, or through the doldrums back in the day, was Fictionmania. I imagine most folks in the land of transgender interests have heard of Fictionmania, and probably once frequented the site.

I used to love it. I used to go there all the time. I loved a lot of the stories that were posted, and the captioned images, and it was a nice place to visit to get new ideas, and stuff like that.

But somewhere along the way...something changed. There have always been many sides of TG. As I've said, I'm more into the fantasy elements of it all. Some people like the crossdressing side of things. Some people like scifi over magic. FM *used* to cover ALL bases, in a pretty equal measure, but definitely leaning towards the fantastical element. Series like Spells 'R' Us, the Medallion of Zulo, etc.

A few years ago though, I really began noticing most of the stories there became more and more about sissification and dom/sub pairings. Now, that's all well and good for what it is, and if you like that, as I keep saying, hey that's fine! But it just became, and I recognize the irony of saying this, so damned dominant on the site. There was still the occasional posting of stuff more to my tastes, but it became so few, so far between...I don't think I've even been by the site in the past year or two, and only then to peek around the corner.

My final straw was coming across a story that was literally nothing more than someone's brief autobiography about their own sissification. There was some other element that I can't really recall after all these years, and I don't want to say the wrong thing. I felt uncomfortable even looking at the synopsis, and realized the entire page of new submissions was pretty damned similar, so I started to lessen my visits, and eventually stopped almost entirely.

It was such a shame to see that shift happen, and in some ways, it's kinda indicative of the genre in general. Every time I try and slip into a new TG community, invariably the first question is if I'm dominant or submissive...and THAT is a post for another day.

Things change, things shift, and people move on. If it fills a niche that people want, and clearly it does if it's become such a HUGE part of things, I can't really complain too much. Well, I *can* but if that's the way the wind has shifted...sigh. Makes me long for the older days of 2001. It is just such a bummer to have the thing shift so far from what I, personally would like to see, but it seems I am in the minority.

I know there are still TG fantasy/scifi/etc writers out there, but that side of things has really become increasingly difficult to find, and the effort just isn't as worth it anymore. I'd love to hear suggestions of a more varied, well maintained source for TG fiction.

K
And look, new userpic!