By Any other Name
Sep. 28th, 2018 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
esmegreyOne of the big questions that face many a transgender person, is their name. And this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, thanks to my previous post.
I have never, ever, picked a name for myself other than the one I was given at birth. I will have dalliances with names, but soon flit to the next shiny thing.
As should be patently obvious, "Kaylee" is not my real name, nor is it anywhere close to my birth name. I picked it because of a mood at the time six years ago when I made this page, and I've kept it for this, and it fits here, but it's still not "me". I don't think I would ever introduce myself in public as Kaylee, nor would I ever legally change my name to it. Or I might. Hence my issue. Well, hence today's issue. I have many issues. I have whole trade paperbacks...
The difficult part is, I do not have a name that easily flips to a more feminine gender, like a James, or a Pat, or a Michael, etc etc etc.
And much like my gender, my name was also something I didn't like when I was younger, and through my teens, for wholly different reasons. But once I learned what the name meant, I realised I had grown into the meaning, and the name genuinely suits me, I feel.
I also never knew what my parents might have named me if I had been born a girl, so I don't even have that option.
There IS a variant on my name that some people have used for me, but...I absolutely hate it. Well, HATE is a strong word. I would maybe not mind it so much if there weren't other things it was associated with I didn't care for.
So I sit here wondering who I am, while also knowing who I am, while still not knowing who I am! And that all actually makes sense to me.
So many questions.
I've been sitting around a lot lately questioning myself that if - and it remains a big if! - if I did transition, what would my name be? And I have a few options in my head, but there's always that doubtful part of me that says nono, those are just your latest obsessions, give it a week and something new will catch your eye.
I have never, ever, picked a name for myself other than the one I was given at birth. I will have dalliances with names, but soon flit to the next shiny thing.
As should be patently obvious, "Kaylee" is not my real name, nor is it anywhere close to my birth name. I picked it because of a mood at the time six years ago when I made this page, and I've kept it for this, and it fits here, but it's still not "me". I don't think I would ever introduce myself in public as Kaylee, nor would I ever legally change my name to it. Or I might. Hence my issue. Well, hence today's issue. I have many issues. I have whole trade paperbacks...
The difficult part is, I do not have a name that easily flips to a more feminine gender, like a James, or a Pat, or a Michael, etc etc etc.
And much like my gender, my name was also something I didn't like when I was younger, and through my teens, for wholly different reasons. But once I learned what the name meant, I realised I had grown into the meaning, and the name genuinely suits me, I feel.
I also never knew what my parents might have named me if I had been born a girl, so I don't even have that option.
There IS a variant on my name that some people have used for me, but...I absolutely hate it. Well, HATE is a strong word. I would maybe not mind it so much if there weren't other things it was associated with I didn't care for.
So I sit here wondering who I am, while also knowing who I am, while still not knowing who I am! And that all actually makes sense to me.
So many questions.
I've been sitting around a lot lately questioning myself that if - and it remains a big if! - if I did transition, what would my name be? And I have a few options in my head, but there's always that doubtful part of me that says nono, those are just your latest obsessions, give it a week and something new will catch your eye.
